Bio Comedy writer. Author of 52 Times Britain Was A Bellend: Waterstones: bit.ly/2mWy7yv Amazon: amzn.to/2lev9V0 Hive: bit.ly/2ozpf2k Tweets 27,5K Followers 138,9K Following 3,8K Account created 04-12-2014 11:06:45 ID 2904913023
iPhone : Massive props to Gregor Schwayer for reaching 1000 followers. I thought he had done it ages ago tbh due to the quality of his tweets. Go and follow him for all your food, history, photoshop needs. On top of which, he is a top guy and deserves all your follows.
iPhone : every day i visit my enemy the kosher salad guy and i say ‘small greek salad to go’ and he says ‘$500’ and i am obligated to chuckle and say ‘$500?! that’s pretty steep!’ and the amount of subsequent back-n-forth is totally his call bc he’s the boss of my salad. i wish him ill
iPhone : Sometimes, while reflecting on the disastrous political situation in which we find ourselves, I gaze wistfully at a picture of Ed Miliband & whisper “you just had to have that fucking sandwich didn’t you”
iPhone : James Cleverly being empty-chaired, The Telegraph’s mortifying Boris Johnson PR front page, Tory HQ being humiliated for doctoring a video, Stormzy calling out Rees-Mogg.... HOOK THE TORY ELECTION CAMPAIGN TO MY VEINS.
iPhone : Today I’ve been in the UK for 10 years, 1 month, 2 weeks, 3 days. Yesterday I found out that the @UKHomeOffice decided to refuse my application for Indefinite Leave to Remain. Thread for details but basically #HostileEnvironment
iPhone : UPDATE: Cairns resignation is a dead cat to distract from Cleverley's empty-chairing which was a dead cat to distract from Cleverley's interviews which was a dead cat to distract from Bridgen which was a dead cat to distract from Rees-Mogg which was a dead cat to distract from twitter.com/MichaelPDeacon…