James Felton (@JimMFelton )

James Felton

Bio Comedy writer. Author of 52 Times Britain Was A Bellend: Waterstones: bit.ly/2mWy7yv Amazon: amzn.to/2lev9V0 Hive: bit.ly/2ozpf2k
Tweets 27,5K
Followers 138,9K
Following 3,8K
Account created 04-12-2014 11:06:45
ID 2904913023

iPhone : Massive props to Gregor Schwayer for reaching 1000 followers. I thought he had done it ages ago tbh due to the quality of his tweets. Go and follow him for all your food, history, photoshop needs. On top of which, he is a top guy and deserves all your follows.

iPhone : It’s like he pulled the screen up.

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iPhone : every day i visit my enemy the kosher salad guy and i say ‘small greek salad to go’ and he says ‘$500’ and i am obligated to chuckle and say ‘$500?! that’s pretty steep!’ and the amount of subsequent back-n-forth is totally his call bc he’s the boss of my salad. i wish him ill

iPhone : Don’t care about the John Lewis Christmas ad only wanna see how Robert Dyas follows up on this banger

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iPhone : Sometimes, while reflecting on the disastrous political situation in which we find ourselves, I gaze wistfully at a picture of Ed Miliband & whisper “you just had to have that fucking sandwich didn’t you”

iPhone : The movie scene where the woman tears her dress into a skirt so you know she's ready to fuck shit up, except it's a dude, ripping his jeans into Jorts

iPhone : James Cleverly being empty-chaired, The Telegraph’s mortifying Boris Johnson PR front page, Tory HQ being humiliated for doctoring a video, Stormzy calling out Rees-Mogg.... HOOK THE TORY ELECTION CAMPAIGN TO MY VEINS.

iPhone : Today I’ve been in the UK for 10 years, 1 month, 2 weeks, 3 days. Yesterday I found out that the @UKHomeOffice decided to refuse my application for Indefinite Leave to Remain. Thread for details but basically #HostileEnvironment

iPhone : UPDATE: Cairns resignation is a dead cat to distract from Cleverley's empty-chairing which was a dead cat to distract from Cleverley's interviews which was a dead cat to distract from Bridgen which was a dead cat to distract from Rees-Mogg which was a dead cat to distract from twitter.com/MichaelPDeacon…

Twitter Web App : Corbyn on Grenfell:

"I’ll tell you what’s common sense: Don’t put flammable cladding on people’s homes. That’s common sense.

"Don’t close fire stations and don't cut fire fighters. That’s common sense. And don’t ignore residents when they tell you their home is a death trap."

iPhone : The photo screams "I left my the hanger in my jacket but that's not my priority right now as I have also shit myself" twitter.com/borisjohnson/s…

iPhone : A lot of people pretending not to understand the main stances of the parties. One last time:

Lib Dems:
We will revoke article 50

Labour:
We will negotiate a new deal and put it to a referendum

Tories:
The following victims of disasters we strongly believe to be thick

iPhone : Remember when the Tories spent a week calling Jeremy Corbyn a chicken

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