Amanda (@Pandamoanimum )

Amanda

Bio Welcome to my head. Please excuse the mess.
Location Kent, UK
Tweets 136,8K
Followers 49,5K
Following 806
Account created 27-01-2009 08:06:53
ID 19582310

iPhone : My vegetarian daughter texted me to tell me she was thinking of applying for a part time job at KFC. I’m the best mum when it comes to dad jokes.

iPhone : Thinking of the rhyme that helps us remember how many days are in each month

30 days hath September,
April, June and November
All the rest have 31
excepting February alone,
which has 28 days clear
and 29 in each Leap Year
And January, which feels like it’s 847 bastard days long

TweetDeck : When youre at work and you hear someone say that theyve brought in cakes.

  • Start Video

Twitter Web App : No matter how many times I watch this video, it makes me laugh every single time.
[sound up]

  • Start Video

TweetDeck : Also, my daughter once shouted down the aisle at me in a supermarket to ask if we could get some popcorn. Except what she actually shouted was cop porn.

twitter.com/KatherineCowan…

TweetDeck : I had both my children by caesarean. My son once asked me how he got out of me. I explained he was cut out of my tummy. Later, in a busy cafe, he LOUDLY asked if he could look at the place where he came out of me.

twitter.com/KatherineCowan…

iPhone : I know Twitter is a shit place a lot of the time but jokes about a 41 year old man and his 13 year old daughter tragically being killed are just horrific, you pieces of trash.

iPhone : Despite rumours, the Queen has never once held a frame around her head and pretended to be a stamp.

#FakeRoyalFamilyFacts

iPhone : One of the professionals on #DOI, Tom Naylor, as well as being a professional figure skater is also a doctor and an orthopaedic surgeon, but I did once eat a packet of crisps to myself without my kids or my dogs hearing and wanting some.

iPhone : I know very little about most sports and absolutely nothing about American basketball, but even I knew who Kobe Bryant was. What horribly sad news.
#ripkobe