Patton Oswalt (@pattonoswalt )

Patton Oswalt

Bio AP Bio on NBC Thursdays at 8:30pm/7:30c ANNIHILATION streaming now on Netflix. IG: pattonoswalt
Location Los Angeles
Tweets 42,2K
Followers 4,5M
Following 3,4K
Account created 01-05-2010 19:00:10
ID 139162440

SocialFlow : Fake vape gear is selling on L.A. streets despite an emerging public health crisis mag.time.com/cDUaBNR

iPhone : The line-up is complete! My friend @dualipa, @itsamittrivedi, @ritviz, @thelocaltrain, and aswekeepsearching will be joining me at the OnePlus Music Festival in Mumbai on November 16 💫 Get your 🎟 RIGHT NOW! insider.in/oneplus-music-…

Twitter Web App : #Kimmel tonight @AnthonyAnderson #Blackish, Malcolm Malcolm Gladwell #TalkingToStrangers, music from Melanie Martinez Cry Baby #KThrough12 & my pick for this years #DWTS winner will shock you to your bones #Nostradancemus

Buffer : Butter in the fridge!

Sherbet in the freezer!

Scrooges first name

Was Eb-en-eezer!

Whats that? Leave the jumprope contest?

iPhone : YALL. I love producer Effie Brown (Effie Brown) & her passion for my books - and we just finished an AMAZING meeting to take my horror novel THE GOOD HOUSE to TV. Stay tuned for an official announcement, but YES!!!

(They said I could tweet!)
#blackhorror #thegoodhouse

iPhone : That’s a wrap on our amazing #HFCCountyFair. Thank you to all who made it out this evening and stayed even after getting heckled by our friends. This event would not have been possible without all of you. Get home safe! 🎡

Twitter Web App : NEW exclusive tee designed by the amazing David choe available on my Office Prizeo campaign. Only 2 days left to enter for a chance to be flown to LA and and be given a tour of Office locations by yours truly! Link in bio Prizeo.com/TheOffice #bearsbeetsbattlestargalactica

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iPhone : Were close to a war with Iran on behalf of Saudi Arabia. Saudi Arabia has dumped untold millions into Trump businesses since his election. Point is, all Americans have standing in an emoluments suit.

iPhone : Juul is some evil shit. The amount of people instantly addicted is insane. Run from it! Keep your kids away from it. It’s a scam to get you addicted. twitter.com/nytimes/status…

SocialFlow : BREAKING: Drunk Teen Going 100 MPH Down Slick Highway Is Invincible trib.al/uyvgr3Z

iPhone : Of our favorite things ever ⁦Al Yankovic⁩ tops the list. Here’s us talking about Al.. Episode 19″ – Portugal. The Man (John Gourley & Zach Carothers) – Dave & Ethan’s 2000” Weird Al Podcast 2000inch.com/episode-19/

iPhone : Imagine if Trump punched a farmer in the face;

...Then punched the farmers friends & family;

...Then kept punching them all for 27 months;

...Then stopped;

...Then told farmers to vote for him because he brought an end to all the punching.

Its like that, but with tariffs.

Twitter Web App : This is what happens when newspapers are owned by people with no commitment to good journalism, only to making more money

Why do the Barclay brothers crave secrecy ?

Are they ashamed of their naked greed ? twitter.com/carolecadwalla…

Twitter Web App : Heres our piece from last night on Americas legal immigration system...youtube.com/watch?v=tXqnRM…

Instagram : Go buy the new Richard Ayoade’s book “On Top”. It is by far the best deep dive critical examination of @gwynethpaltrow’s film View From The Top. #richardayoade #ontopbook #itcrowd @ Los Angeles, California instagram.com/p/B2fjixPHYtj/…

Twitter Web App : This warms my heart to see. I love you Kevin Hart and have been praying for you. Im here if you need me for anything brother!! 🙌🏿 twitter.com/people/status/…

Hootsuite Inc. : I want to like Joe Biden. He seems like a decent guy and I think his heart is in the right place. Having said that when a friend calls the morning after the debate and their first question is “did his teeth fall out?”.....well, let’s just say this worries me.

iPhone : The joke was in a segment poking fun at the looks of candidates before making fun of himself: “You may be surprised to hear he’s a congressional candidate in Texas and not a hitman in a porno movie I’m sorry. I know he lost his eye in war, or whatever.”

People flipped out.

iPhone : Podcasts aren’t about edginess, they’re about retramautizing the families of victims of serial killers for MeUndies money

Libsyn On-Publish : This weeks TDF w @courtneyjoyner is awesome. He just has movie stories and MUCH information about Monsters!! In Movies. You will love. dts.podtrac.com/redirect.mp3/t…

SocialFlow : Taylor Swift is joining #TheVoice as a Mega Mentor, the Alpha and Omega of all mentors vult.re/30lSdzG

Twitter Web Client : Trump is interrupted for the second time tonight by a protester as he crescendos to the end of his speech. He uses the disruption to take a shot at the media before forging ahead to the finish.

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iPhone : The least understandable behavior in last night’s 90 Day Fiancé was Tom and Darcey not ordering appetizers while they waited for the sister to show up.

Twitter Web App : Over the Boardwalk, up near the sun..

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iPhone : Since most of the furious replies to my tweets with any of these words do not have anything to do with what I actually wrote, just thought I’d see what jumps in my boat with a string of trigger keywords.

Twitter Web App : In PROOF OF CONSPIRACY @sethabramson
expertly details the Russian attack on our 2016 election. It was unprecedented, thorough & most importantly-ONGOING as they actively attempt to re-elect Individual 1 in 2020, who welcomes their support.
(pink specs courtesy Randy Rainbow)

Buffer : Which celebrity or character from pop culture were you named after, friends?

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iPhone : JoeCornCobBiden Again, this is not good work. It’s basically the “I know you are but what am I?” defense. That may have worked in 3rd grade but I’m used to a higher level of bullying at this point. I’ll save you the time of preparing another puerile rejoinder and mute you now.

Twitter Web App : In 2020, I want to vote for a candidate who doesn’t make the news every single day. I want a President who does their job so well that I don’t have to care about them every waking moment of my life.

iPhone : Elizabeth Warren is still taking selfies. For context, I have left the rally, taken a train to Brooklyn, ordered uber eats, watched an episode of the Sopranos, and played two FIFA matches

Buffer : Our Ciara Wardlow had a chat with Claire Anderson, the Emmy-nominated costume designer of #GoodOmens. The subjects of discussion included odd socks, perfect shots, and cosplay. You know. The usual. ops.fyi/30rqOxb

iPhone : 1970s “Hollywood Vampires Drinking Club” members: John Lennon, Mackenzie Phillips, Harry Nilsson, Alice Cooper, Micky Dolenz

iPhone : All I’ve ever wanted was to meet a nice guy, fall in love and then ditch him midway down the aisle during our wedding in a Vera Wang gown and a pair of Sketcher shape-ups.

Twitter Web App : For the millionth time, folks — WH cannot “block” a former employee from testifying. If Porter and Dearborn want to testify, they can. (They don’t want to, of course.) nytimes.com/2019/09/16/us/…

Tumblr : 📷 Join us in Hollywood if you can on October 21st for a special screening of 31, with live Q&A after... tmblr.co/ZnM7Gt2DdhJNx

Instagram : What a night! Got home from the ball only to realize I forgot to grab my house keys before rushing off the the #Emmys. Here’s a pic of my parents and I waiting in my garage for the locksmith. Listen, you can’t be… instagram.com/p/B2fMis2h3dR/…

Twitterrific for iOS : Pretty soon, the only unsigned football players left will be Al Bundy and Colin Kaepernick. And when one more QB gets injured, the racist NFL owners will say:

“Well, Al dId score four touchdowns in a game!”

iPhone : After 6 deaths, Trump wants to ban flavored vapes. 40,000 Americans have died from guns since he became president.

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Instagram : Are looking for a double dose of mayhem? They grab your tickets for the September 18th double feature of THE DEVILS REJECTS and 3 FROM HELL!!! Reserve tickets now at FathomEvents.com/3FromHell #doublefeature… instagram.com/p/B2fb9nhnSPf/…

Twitter Web App : ★★★★! Humorous and self-referential, allowing space for the audience to not just feel, but think. This is no small feat. – Sheila OMalley, RogerEbert.com

CHAINED FOR LIFE is now playing in New York + Los Angeles, opens Friday in Denver + Saskatoon! rogerebert.com/reviews/chaine…

iPhone : Tonights #Lodge49 is just outstanding. Even Liz might feel good about it, and Liz hates everything.

Android : Shane Gillis has been a friend. Too slowly & recently, its been made clear to me that his actions and words have been deeply hurtful to close friends of mine and many others. I have heard enough to now believe he doesnt care about them or the real implications behind his ideas.

Vimeo : I just uploaded “JRE #1353 - Rob Zombie” to #Vimeo: vimeo.com/360455538

iPhone : Hey guys, we need your creative minds! Aimee Garcia and I need 80s wrestler style nicknames for our debut GLOW comic! Got any ideas? The best suggestions will make it into the comic!!! (See pic for inspo) (And try to keep it clean) (...ish)

IFTTT : Challenge accepted! @malinakerman 🙌🏼 Since I was a kid, I think other than being on a set or a stage getting to do what I love to do, I feel the most awesome in clean turquoise waters. I invite @vanessahudgens @iamlenaheadey @sophiabush @zacharyquinto Andrei Zmievski… ift.tt/30fIFXb