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Bio ... too old, too white, too Catholic ... Location Pennsylvania, USA Tweets 10,8K Followers 403 Following 577 Account created 20-07-2015 16:54:16 ID 3384747730
Android : Catches a cold shoulder. Quietly blows it off.
Android : This is bullshit. Im not coming to watch my kids play soccer anymore.
Android : lol
Android : Just dumped an entire Sonic hot fudge shake into my lap.But wife grabbed a handful of napkins and mopped it up... so it still feels like a win.
Android : I never realized how much I like sitting still until I had a kid.
Android : Sitting here wondering why I just spent 40 minutes online finding the perfect treats for my puppy when she enjoys her own poop.
Android : .. Madame Ovary ...#RemoveALetterSpoilABook
Android : ... Moby Ick ...#RemoveALetterSpoilABook
Android : Googles “mercury in retrograde.” Updates 51 apps.
Android : “I want to turn you into content for the rest of my life”- A comedian proposing
Android : Can do. How many more at night? twitter.com/Fact/status/10…
Android : Axis II of Evil Bre is cold 🏳️🌈💖💜💙 won't peroxide cause discoloration?
Android : It's nearing time for the annual presidential pardon of a turkey. President Trump has also pardoned a number of weasels.
Android : Flight was canceled and stuck in Minneapolis for 2 days so you know what that means, I’ve now been on a roller coaster in a mall!
Android : New report says Indiana's tourism & recreation industry must adjust for climate change in the future.Many asking "Indiana has a tourism industry?"absrdNEWS NSFW_news
Android : Stating the obvious is my forte. Missing the obvious is your flaw.You’re lucky to have me. Obvi.
Android : The phrase “for every action, there is an equal and opposite reaction” describes every suggestion I’ve ever made to my wife.
Android : The name of my new cologne scent:“Didn’t realize I had a little bit of my baby’s spit-up on my shirt”
Android : 5YO: When did I get inside mommy's tummy?Me: June 9 2012, right after I made coffee and for the first time mommy saw me put the jar back in the cabinet
Android : My husband still looks at me the way he did when we were dating - utterly confused as to how he’s gotten himself into this relationship.
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